<*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*>

E M P O W E R E D P A R E N T I N G E Z I N E
http://www.EmpoweredParent.com
Information For Today's Parent!

<*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*>

VOL. IV : Issue 8 May 19, 2002
Editor: Joan Bramsch
To subscribe visit: http://www.EmpoweredParent.com or
Register at: empoweredparenting-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
E-mail us by clicking here

Common sense solutions for Today's Parenting Challenges!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Empowered Parents: Strong Families
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


ENJOYING OUR FOURTH YEAR OF PUBLICATION!
You must be the change you wish to see in the world -- Ghandi

EP PARENTS ON OUR PLANET --- Is your country listed?

The Empowered Parent Ezine now serves members in the following countries:
Israel, Turkey, Greece, United States, Canada, Australia, South Africa,
Great Britain, Islands of Fiji, Scotland, New Zealand, Panama, Malta,
Spain, Brazil, Singapore, Saudi Arabia, Latvia, India, Nigeria, The
Netherlands, Croatia, Mexico, Namibia, Poland.

Please continue to send in your location. E-mail us by clicking here

========================================
Welcome To The Empowered Parent Store
Be a proud Empowered Parent!

http://joanbramsch.com/store/store.shtml

===================================

"First keep peace within yourself, then you can bring peace to others."--
Thomas Kampis

WELCOME!

===========================

SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS
They keep our service "priceless."

===========================
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============================

INSIDE YOUR EP EZINE
<*> Letter to Parent
<*> Article -- 10 Ways to Build Self-esteem and Self-confidence in kids.
<*> Letters from EP Parents
<*> Article -- The Cutoff Period
<*> EP Q & A
<*> Article -- I Have Fallen In Love With Flylady.net!
<*> Marketplace

Hi dear Parent,

There's lots to write about today. But first, I want to thank you for reading EP. Without your support there isn't a reason to publish this ezine or expand EP's web site with fresh content for you and your family.

I had hoped to publish before Mother's Day but, instead, I drove down to Tulsa to be with my family for the weekend. I hope you and your family were so happy to be together that you didn't miss the EP Ezine because I was having fun with my childen and grandchildren, too. My second oldest granddaughter Emily graduated from high school. I wish I had a dollar for every note you've sent, telling me to be good to myself. Well...this time, I took your good advice. :) For Mom Day gifts my family did my summer clothes shopping. What a treat! I have never been much of a shopper.

Speaking of shopping, please done forget that every penny of profit earned in the EP store during May goes to Liana's needs. Also, if you have Liddle Kiddles or know families that do, be sure to sign up for the FREE Teach Me, I'm Yours course here:
http://joanbramsch.com/tmiy.shtml


Some Parents and a few Teens have been asking me about learning to use their intuition. Remember...we all have this ability. We're born with it. It's not some special gift only special folks have; rather, it's a skill that can be honed so we can receive answers when we need them. The three experiments I'll describe here are useful and easy enough for small children. Make it a family fun experiment. You'll all be impressed as your intuitive skills increase with practice. Always go with your first impression. Do NOT allow your intellect to second guess your first answer.

Experiment #1:
When you are in a building with more than one elevator, ask yourself -- Which elevator will open first?

Experiment #2:
Use chalk to mark the quarter times of a clock on one of your car tires -- 12-3-6-9. When the car is parked back home, after all those errands, lessons and games, each person can intuit the number at the top of the tire. Just take a moment and image the clock - which number is u^p? Eventually, you'll discover that your family will start splitting the times. "It's parked at 10 o'clock!"

Experiment #3:
Each night, after dinner or before bedtime, let each family member predict how many pieces of mail will arrive the next day. At first, only count ALL the pieces. When everyone feels more skilled because of their successes, start dividing up the mail count into magazines, junk mail and regular mail. One night Janie may say, "Tomorrow I'm going to get a letter from Grandma." And she may very well be correct, so mark it down.

If you find these experiments help you expand your family's intuition, then give me feedback, please, and I'll provide more experiments. It's all about practice, you know? It's excellent for your children to know how to listen to their Inner Voice for protection, too. That's what EP's article on the Safe Heart program is all about.

http://joanbramsch.com/safety/smart.shtml

All the final band concerts, recitals and graduations are in full swing this month and next, adding weddings in June, as well. Stay in the moment, please, so you don't miss a thing!

Remember...
Yesterday is gone,
Tomorrow is not here,
We only have the gift of Now,
That's why it's called The Present!

All Present, raise your hand, :)
Love,
Joan, who really, truly values you.

P.s. Please make sure your child, teen and you, too, wear protective headgear when using bicycles, skateboards, scooters or skates. Every year 3000 kids die from traumatic brain injuries. The 29,000 who survive often face lifelong problems. More than 85% of head and brain injuries could be avoided if we all wore helmets. While I'm being Mother Hen, please make sure you all wear correct wrist, elbow and knee guards, too. It would not be so nice to break an arm or a leg this Spring and not be able to swim all summer. Thank you.

P.p.s. You will note that this EP issue is in a more orderly fashion. If you like it like this, or not, you'll have to give me feedback. I don't mind doing it this way, but it's not nearly as much fun as being spontaneous. I always reckoned my EP Parents liked the sprinkling of this and that. :) So let me know.

=========================
YOU ARE MY SHOOTING STAR!
http://www.flowgo.com/flowgo2_view.cfm?page_id=33122

=========================
Other Ecommerce companies joined my May pledge to help Liana.
http://www.joanbramsch.com/store/store.shtml

=========================
INFORMATIVE WEB PAGES ABOUT LEARNING
http://www.tomatis.com/English/Articles/Dr.tomatis.html

http://www.resultsproject.net/

=========================
ANOTHER REASON TO KEEP THE DOCTOR AWAY!
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

========================
<*> ARTICLE

10 Ways to Build Self-esteem and Self-confidence in kids
by Steve & Lisa McChesney

You are taking an important step in influencing and
forming all of our futures. The following are ten ways
that you can explain how the self-esteem muscle is built.
It's important that you understand what self-esteem means
and how, like any other muscle, it needs to be exercised
in order to grow. Self-esteem is defined as having respect
for oneself, or more simply put, liking yourself. Ask your
kids if they would like to have someone just like themselves
as a friend. If the answer is yes, then they obviously like
themselves. You now just need to build on that foundation.
If the answer is no, then you have got your work cut out for
you.

The 10 ways to build the self-esteem muscle.

1. Always tell the truth.
Ask your kids if they feel good about themselves when they
don't tell the truth. It's hard to feel good about yourself
when you are worried that someone is going to find out that
you didn't tell the truth. It causes stress. On the other
hand, if they tell the truth, they can feel good about
themselves for being honest. The fact that they know that
you are proud of them for being honest makes them feel
good about themselves as well.

2. Take responsibility.
Tell your kids that if they did something they shouldn't
have, admit it! Don't blame it on others or make excuses.
Let them know that when they can take responsibility for
their actions, they can take pride in themselves for
behaving like a responsible person.

3. Be able to take a compliment.
If someone gives you a compliment, smile and say,
"Thank you". The fact that someone compliments you should
make you feel good about yourself. To say thank you to the
person giving the compliment makes them feel good about
themselves. This is a win-win situation.

4. Complete assignments early.
If your kids have a homework assignment, it's best to finish
it early. Once it's done, they can feel good about
themselves for fulfilling their responsibilities. If they
put it off, it becomes stressful when it competes with other
family activities of the evening such as dinner, baths, etc.
Worse yet, it gets put off until the next morning and the
stress level rises even further.

5. Avoid negative people.
Tell your children to pick friends who have high self-
esteem, and who feel good about themselves. There is a lot
of truth in the pressure of peer influence, and to the old
saying 'Birds of a feather flock together'. Keep a keen eye
on the types of friends your children play with.

6. Help raise the self-esteem of others.
One of the best ways to raise your own self-esteem is to
raise the self-esteem of others. Let others know that you
like the way their new haircut looks, or the way they always
have a smile on their face. Congratulate them on their
accomplishments. When we compliment someone and they
Smile, it causes us to smile as well.

7. Dream big dreams about the future.
Let your children know that it is okay to dream BIG about
their future. They can be an astronaut and be the first
person to walk on Mars. They can be the President of the United
States, or leader of their country and bring peace to the entire world.
When we dream about ourselves and our future, we feel good about
Ourselves.

8. Parents are more important than friends.
Kids need to remember that their parents are more important
then their friends. The underlying factor in this is that parents
love their kids unconditionally.

9. Be Healthy.
Exercise regularly. Eat only those foods that are good for
you. I know this is easier said than done when it comes to
kids, however there are many creative ways to get your kids
to eat healthy. The planet is made up mostly of water. The
human body is made up mostly of water. How much of your
child's diet is made up of water?

10. Pick activities that are important.
Have your kids pick activities that are important to them.
Prioritize them and then master them one at a time. Each
time a child masters something they have incredible pride
in themselves.
**********************************************************
Self-esteem and self-confidence are two of life's ongoing
requirements. They must be nourished and exercised to
make them strong enough to have lasting effects.
Steve and Lisa McChesney produce a daily tip newsletter
http://www.bullyfreekids.com
We wish you and your family health and happiness.

=====================================
IDENTITY THEFT SURVIVAL GUIDE (free info)
It's nasty, it's on the rise, and it could happen to you.

http://money.cnn.com/2002/04/03/pf/q_identity/index.htm

NOTE from Joan: I'll save you a bit of time. Don't use the OPT OUT phone number in the article. Here is the new number:

1-888-567-8688

ALSO NOTE: they are wiley in their questioning, probably because they really, really don't want to give up the income they derive from you information. So MAKE SURE you wait to hear all the options.

#1 is for only 2 years.
#2 is to put your name back ON the list.
#3 is what you want - takes you off forever.

I expect that millions of callers hit that #1 key because that's the best they think they will get. In this case, be patient and only do this once. :)

=========================
<*> LETTERS FROM EP PARENTS

Hi Joan,
Thanks for all your efforts for us parents! I passed on your info regarding the free lessons and your website to teachers in our school district. At least one teacher let me know that she will be sending info home with kids in her class! Keep up the good work and THANK YOU THANK YOU for all the information! :) Karen

--------------------------------
EKKK! Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
--------------------------------
I just visited your web page. Wow, such accomplishments! I'm not a parent, but my friends who are may enjoy visiting your site, too. Keep up the good work!

--------------------------------
Dear Joan,
I have just recently suscribed to your parenting newsletter.
Your e-mail about Nick and Liana has touched me deeply.
I would like to help. I found US 89 in my travel wallet
from one of my previous trips to the states and I would
like to send it to Connie and Paul for the children.
Do you have an address or an account number where
I could send it to? Thank you in advance for your help.
Regards, Christine

-------------------------------
Hi Joan,
The newsletter touched me deeply & I would like to offer 20% of my sales this month to the family, if I can use the newsletter story on my site as well as in my newsletter. (Personal pleas to friends have been forwarded already.) As you suggested we pas it on, I hope it will not be a problem to use on the site?
Deanna
Glamour is what I sell, it's my stock in trade.
~ Marlene Dietrich ~http://glamkitty-beauty.com

--------------------------------
Dear Joan
I am forwarding this letter today out to all our Members. I
know first hand about the pain these families are feeling. Our
family had adopted 2 orphan boys from Overseas 10 yrs ago. One
of the boys we named Eric because we don't even know his real
name or real age. (His parents left him on the street as an
infant.) We can only guess what his real age is. Both boys have
learning problems due to poor diets, and are on behavior
medication. Our family recently just adopted a little orphan
girl from Japan too. We love them as our own and their life is
much improved today. They are our family and they know it!
They are my cousins. They are growing up to be fine children.
Jane

-------------------------------------
IN CASE YOU'VE LAIN AWAKE WONDERING...
Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
--------------------------------------
Hi Joan,
Thanks for posting your info. Good luck and please pass my wishes
for Liana and Nick's healing on to the family. My sister adopted 3
Romanian orphan girls last year, so I feel as though your post could
have been about my own family.
Elaine

------------------------------------
Joan,
Has anyone though of contacting Oprah's Angel Network, as well as Rosie O'Donnell's child help program. These are two people who could help spread the word, and also help with funds.
Just a thought, Judy

----------------------------------
Joan
I was directed to your website this evening for the very first time. I didn't have long, I signed up for the free lessons, and subscribed to your ezine. Before I left, I read your Tribute to Bill. What a beautiful story you have shared, it brought tears to my eyes. I am sorry for your loss, but I know that Bill watches over you and awaits the time that you join him again.
Best wishes, Lori

---------------------------------
Joan,
Thank you for sharing the Simon's plight with the EP readers. I hope you'll get some good suggestions for them. In the meantime, please, take care of YOU while you're so busy taking care of all of us parents out here. I am thinking of you. I have noticed that when times are bad for you, God seems to send along a new mission for you to tackle. Have you noticed that? I have wondered sometimes if Bill has a part in that. Bill knew that you were happiest when helping others. I know without a doubt, that things are going to work out for Connie because she has YOU in her corner!! Many prayers will be going up tonight for them and you.
Cindy

---------------------------------
LETTER FROM LIANA'S MAMA
Dear Joan,
Your kindness has again moved me to tears. Bless you for your efforts. Just knowing how much you care helps tremendously. Your generosity is profound. Again thank you and may God bless you for your love for children.
Love, Connie

----------------------------
Hi Joan,
I saw your post on e-writers and this part struck me

".Now Liana is, as I said, 14 years old. Puberty has pushed her back into her
horrific terrors of sexual abuse, it seems, and she is a threat to herself
(having stepped in front of a semi-truck, tried to jump from a moving car,
and slash her wrists in the last few weeks) and to her parents. . Liana is
5'10 1/2" tall and Connie at 5' is no match for the girl's strength which,
as she spirals down into an old madness, gives her out of control power, as
well.>
Joan, I know this will sound crazy but you could have been describing my son, four years ago at the age of 15. He had never been abused and had no reason for the behavior which was scary and out of control. We had him in counseling naturally.
One psychologist diagnosed him as depressed, and wanted him admitted to a hospital something only a psychiatrist could do. The psychiatrist disagreed with the diagnosis. He felt my son was bipolar but admitted him to in-patient care, and put him on lithium. The lithium clashed with my son's allergy meds and caused heart problems (Enter cardiologist) The hospital quickly took the kid off the lithium and citing insurance reasons shipped him to another hospital. That psychiatrist diagnosed oppositional defiant disorder, treated him and released him, predicting he'd be back soon.
The psychiatrist who did his out patient care disagreed with all previous diagnoses and treated my son for ADHD.
Meanwhile the kid would still try to leap on the car as the family tried to escape him. He tried to throw himself out of the car when we were taking him places he didn't want to go. There were holes in our walls where he punched them, or threw things at them, dents in the car where he threw things at it, or kicked it. And I couldn't leave his brother and sister alone with him.
Why am I telling you all this? It sounds strange, Joan, but the answer for my son was physical And we found out by accident. He had (and still has) something called celiac disease. It is an inability of the body to process wheat, rye, and barley. It was diagnosed by a gastroenterologist by a biopsy. However a simple blood test can rule it out, in many cases. After adhering to the diet which eliminates all sources of wheat, rye and barley, the behavior improved mightily.
Since my son's diagnosis, I have become aware of many other celiac adolescents and younger children as well, whose only symptom was behavioral. Yet classic celiac here in the States is usually thought to be manifested in diarrhea, and thin, short kids. Babies are sometimes diagnosed because they are failure to thrive. Celiac disease is much more recognized in Europe, where the prevalence is recognized to be about 1 in 150 people (roughly the same prevalence as say redheads in our population). Unfortunately there is some belief that it is rarer here in the U.S, which seems silly, considering that many of us have European ancestors.
Anyway, Joan, this is a long email and I hope you don't mind, but I found through our ordeal, that although the physical cause is supposed to be ruled out before the mental is approached, that it rarely works that way in the mental health system. Please feel free to tell your friend my son's story and urge her to consider testing for celiac.
Christine who doesn't want anyone to go through what our family did

----------------------------
Dear Joan
Your hints for parents to give to children to empower them were
wonderful. This morning I have been looking up statistics on child
molesters and most children know their molesters!!! You need to warn
parents to alert their kids of this disturbing fact right away!!!
I read a review of the book, "Understanding Child Molesters..." by Eric
Leburg (sp?). It is not a book that sympathizes with molesters as the
title suggests, but valuable information that parents should know in
order to not be naive about what is going on around them.
Personally, I can't imagine NOT seeing the devastation in my child's eyes
if this happened but I don't want to judge.
Your web page was most interesting and the tribute to your husband was
awesome. You are a very impressive, and empowered woman.
Thanks, Cathy
------
Dear Cathy,
Thank you very much for your letter and your loving personal words. You are right about most molesters being known to the family and the child. One of my good friends, Crystall Elliott, fell into a 14-year drug addiction horror because her grandfather molested her in the garage every day when she was about four- or five-years old. She didn't remember, but those repressed memories kept her trapped in drugs until an excellent doctor provided the key for her to unlock and finally escape. Her experience has now resulted in a book -- "Ever Wondered... if your child will use drugs?" It's like nothing I've ever read before. I'll be offering it in the EP Store very soon.
Love, Joan

========================
"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world the rest of the world calls butterfly."
-- Richard Bach

==================
<*> ARTICLE

The Cutoff Period

Is there a magic cutoff period when offspring become accountable
for their own actions? Is there a wonderful moment when parents
can become detached spectators in the lives of their children and
shrug, "It's their life," and feel nothing?

When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital corridor waiting
for doctors to put a few stitches in my son's head. I asked,
"When do you stop worrying?" The nurse said, "When they get out of
the accident stage. " My mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little chair in a classroom and
heard how one of my children talked incessantly, disrupted the class,
and was headed for a career making license plates. As if to read my
mind, a teacher said, "Don't worry, they all go through this stage
and then you can sit back, relax and enjoy them." My mother just smiled
faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime waiting for the phone to
ring, the cars to come home, the front door to open. A friend said,
"They're trying to find themselves. Don't worry in a few years, you can
stop worrying. They'll be adults." My mother just smiled faintly and said
nothing.

By the time I was 50, I was sick & tired of being vulnerable. I was
still worrying over my children, but there was a new wrinkle. There was
nothing I could do about it. My mother just smiled faintly and said
nothing.

I continued to anguish over their failures, be tormented by their
frustrations and absorbed in their disappointments. My friends said that
when my kids got married I could stop worrying and lead my own life. I
wanted to believe that, but I was haunted by my mother's smile
and her occasional, "You look pale. Are you all right? Call me the
minute you get home. Are you depressed about something?"

Can it be that parents are sentenced to a lifetime of worry?
Is concern for one another handed down like a torch to blaze the trail
of human frailties and the fears of the unknown? Is concern a curse or
is it a virtue that elevates us to the highest form of life?

One of my children became quite irritable recently, saying to me, "Where
were you? I've been calling for 3 days, and no one answered. I was
worried." I smiled. The torch has been passed.

READ Joan and Bill's Letter to Parents, here:
http://joanbramsch.com/parenting/openletter.shtml

============================
I believe it's not important what we leave behind, but how we have lived.

============================
<*> EP Q & A

Dear Joan,
I would like to know if there are any programs for people who were related to a child molester, programs similiar to alanon to an alcoholic? Thank you.

JOAN'S NOTE: I have searched and searched and have come up empty-handed. Do you know of an organization like this? If so, let me know by emailing me here. Thank you.

-----------
Strangers/kidnappers/child

Dear Joan,
Just recently I was alarmed to find that my 9 year old daughter had interacted with a stranger in the neighborhood after she had been taught for the past 5 years about the danger of strangers. Along with her 4 week grounding i want her to write a report on how harmful strangers can be. I would appreciate any recommendations for books that are around fourth grade level.
Thank you very much, Maureen

JOAN'S RESPONSE:
Dear Maureen,
Thank you so much for writing. If you'll go to the Parenting section of the EP site, you'll find an article that tells how a child can protect herself/himself from molesters.
http://www.joanbramsch.com/parenting/molester.shtml

But I also want you to please pay attention to this article, as well:
http://www.joanbramsch.com/safety/smart.shtml

It could very well be that your daughter did NOT feel any intuitive fear when she was near this stranger. The hair on the back of her neck didn't stand up. Her stomach didn't flip flop. Her breathing didn't increase, nor her heart beat faster. Nor did she get a message from her Higher Self to clear out, get away, run.

ALL strangers are not bad. One of the pieces of advice is if you feel threatened, find a woman with children to help you. If all strangers are dangerous, how could she trust a Mother with children?

We came into this world equipped to protect ourselves. You know when someone is following you. You can feel it on the back of your neck, can't you? You know when you shouldn't go into a certain neighborhood or even sometimes a store because there is danger there for you. You don't know how you know... but you do!

That's what we want to teach our children. To keep that survival instinct. Not to fear ALL strangers, but to listen to their Inner warning system. A day may come when your child truly needs a stranger's help. I have, on more than one occasion, been dismayed when I've spoken kindly to a child, who was standing right next to her/his Mama, and the fear that comes into their eyes, the rush to stand behind the mother, and the outcry, "I can't talk to strangers." I, of course, agree that they should listen to their mother's rule. And as I move away from their personal space, I hear Mama congratulating the child.

But what if, one day, that child is getting molested or kidnapped, and I was there to care for him... would he be so indoctrinated that he would fight me off and run away alone, terrified but believing that ALL strangers are to be feared. It's a fine line. The second article Safe Hearts will help you to see what I'm aiming at. Perhaps, it may change your mind.

Then again, I wasn't there to see what happened. Were you there? If not, how did you discover that she had talked to a stranger? Thank you so much for writing to me. I always do my best to give a balanced answer.
Love, Joan

==========================
PROM DREAM COME TRUE!
http://www2.bostonherald.com/news/columnists/bev04262002.htm

==========================
SOFT DRINKS & SCHOOLHOUSE ROT

Did you know... "Soda contracts are the most lucrative commercial deals for schools in the
U.S" and yet it has been linked to broken bones, osteoporosis, and obesity. It may increase diabetes rates and the severity of kidney stones. It can lead to nervousness, insomnia, attention-deficit disorder and addiction. And American teen-agers are consuming more of it than ever. And listen to this: ONE teaspoon of sugar shuts down the immune system for FOUR hours! Some of that soda has up to 14 teaspoons of sugar. Please drink water.
http://www.nutritionandkids.net/10617

==============================
I was reading an article about Ken Burns, the video documentary producer and in it he made the point that a survey of a goodly number of recently-graduated high school seniors revealed that a full 40% have the impression that, in WW-II, the United States teamed with Germany to fight Russia. Being surrounded by that kind of ignorance is something to really worry about. Survey your graduates and see what they say! Let me know the results.

==========================
FundsforWriters - Discover your writing's ability to earn! One central source that steers grants, markets and competitions to the serious writer through weekly newsletters, website and ebooks. Check us out at http://www.chopeclark.com/fundsforwriters.htm

==========================
<*> ARTICLE

I HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH FLYLADY.NET!
By Joan Bramsch

Have you been living in the middle of CHAOS - (can't have anyone over syndrome)? I have been in a similar situation for many months now; all those boxes of "stuff" belonging to Tinkerbelle Mama, my Bill, even my grandparents, not to mention my own property - the bane of a writer, even one who has a very powerful computer, is paper...piles and stacks of manuscripts.

I'd gather up my gumption, determined to make a real dent in all that stuff, but one look at the mountain and I became overwhelmed. Stopped in my tracks, I experienced great guilt as I turned and ran away. Then Flylady came into my life. She actually teaches flycasting, but she also teaches SHEs (Sidetracked Home Engineers) how to fly by learning routines.

I love her style. "You didn't make that mess in one day; don't expect to clean it up that fast either." Feel that guilt rising? "You cannot attempt to clean until you get rid of the clutter." Amen! "Anybody can do anything for 15 minutes - baby steps, baby steps is all I ask of you." Oh, joy! I am doing baby steps, feeling no guilt, and getting it done...15 minutes at a time. Yes, she actually insists that our timer is our best friend.

Let Flylady tell you herself. You can also read her story in the June 4 Women's Day issue.

Eviction Notice! Clutter Pack Your Bags!

Dear Friends,

Clutter has a way of taking over our lives. Clutter becomes that
unwanted houseguest that you can't get rid of. It robs us of peace
while we are home and it also steals any bit of joy when we leave
home; the dread of returning to that mess. What about those of you
that will not even go anywhere because of the chaotic state of your
home.

We received a message today from a member that gave up their family
vacation to clean and declutter their home. Thank you for the God
Breeze. I realize that it had to be done for the safety of a crawling
baby, but I felt that I needed to address this inconsiderate
squatter, so you could see what he is doing to you and your family.

When a home is filled with clutter, it takes on a life of its own.
Your whole day is spent giving it attention, instead of your family
and yourself. Let's look at some of the things we give up, so we can
devote our lives to this inconsiderate houseguest.

1. Clutter filled homes, are not welcoming to friends or family. So
we do not invite them over often. When we do, we almost kill
ourselves trying to get the house presentable so we will not be
embarrassed. You know the drill. Major Crisis Cleaning until 3:00am
and they are coming the next day. As a result of not wanting to make
the preparations, we alienate ourselves from our friends and family,
by closing our doors and throwing away the key. Clutter is a very
selfish housemate. It wants you all to itself. This is another way to
attack families. When the structure of the family is broken down we
all lose. Clutter is an effective weapon in destroying families.

2. Clutter in your home, does not allow your mind and body to rest.
The guilt of all the clutter, keeps you working non-stop. You can't
organize clutter; you can only get rid of it, like a diseased
cancerous tumor. Purge it from your life and you will find out what
living is all about. Clutter causes you to turn down invitations to
lunch or weekend getaways with your husband. It will also get in the
way of you taking time for yourself. It yells at you, you don't
deserve to have any fun, you have not taken care of ME yet. Oh
selfish clutter. Like a spoiled child, it requires all your
attention.

3. Clutter tells the world that you are not worthy. We have all heard
it. If you can't take care of this, you can't have it. We have been
brainwashed by this clutter to believe that we do not deserve to have
nice things, since we can't keep our home looking presentable. So we
only buy more clutter at yard sales and junk shops, because it only
cost a dollar. Now don't email fussing about this. I love yard sales
as much as the next person, but think about this mentality for a few
minutes. Don't we deserve to be surrounded by pretty things that we
love, instead of someone else's cast-offs. When we quit wasting our
money on more clutter to feed the already growing demon in our home,
we can save to purchase things that make us smile.

4. Clutter never wants you to leave home. This is why he make is so
difficult for you to pack and go on vacation. Laundry has to be done,
you have to get people to come to the house to feed your critters, or
worse yet, you need someone to house sit for you. Clutter will never
allow strangers in his domain. He wants you all to himself. The bills
have to be paid, so you can go, clutter invades your finances and
family responsibilities. You don't have wills done, because it is
just too much trouble. So you stay home, so you won't have to make
the decision of who will care for you children in case of an
accident. Clutter loves to keep you home, so he has your full
attention. He throws ever obstacle in your path.

5. Clutter loves to make you sick. This way you are totally dependent
upon his way of life. He robs you of your health, so this gives you
an excuse to give him more clutter. The more there is the happier he
becomes and more sick you get. Sometimes you will not allow people to
come into your home to help, because clutter has quarantined you. Or
shall we say imprisoned you in your dungeon.

6. Clutter's main sustenance is chaos. So when you are running around
your home searching for something in all the mess, clutter is
celebrating with a feast. Trying to find a document on your desk, is
not fun for you, but clutter begets clutter. You end up making an
even bigger mess during the search.

7. Clutter loves ignorance, because you know no other way to live. If
you did, he would not have a home that provides him of all the
undivided attention that you give his needs. You have never enjoyed a
peaceful afternoon, without clutter vying for your every thought and
deed. He knows that if you ever feel one ounce of peace, you will
tell him to hit the road, because that peace is so contagious.

It is time to put clutter in his place and send him packing from
whence he came. So where does clutter belong and how do you get rid
of this unwanted houseguest. It is not easy. He keeps pleading with
you that, "you need me", and laying many guilt trips on you for what
relatives will think if you put him out into the cold. (You know
those gifts and inherited clutter you have been saddled with over the
years.)

Your clutter did not accumulate overnight and it is going to take
days, weeks and sometimes several months to rid yourself of this
squatter. We do it in small steps to make it easy on you. This way,
your houseguest has no clue that you are evicting him. Slowly but
surely the clutter will leave one boogie or one dungeon duty at a
time. Some of you may need to take a "get tough" approach and order a
dumpster or set up regular pickups from charity thrift stores. What
ever you decide to do, consistency is the ticket to getting him to
vacate your premises. Just 15 minutes a day is all you need to set
him on the road. When you kick his bottom out your door, you will
begin to have your home to yourself again. Peace is just a boogie
away.

It is time to pack his bags and send him out into the world to fend
for himself. You have wasted enough of your time on him. From now on,
you are going to become very particular about who you bring home to
reside with you and your family.

Are you ready to evict this squatter, so you can FLY?

FlyLady - (her Flybabies now number almost 100,000!)
http://www.flylady.net

===========================
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

===========================
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Thanks to http://www.rundrugsoutoftownrun.org

==========================
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Please and Thank You! :-)

==============================
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===================================
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If I didn't think this program could make a difference in the health and
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====================================
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===========================
ATTENTION, EVERYBODY...
EMPOWERED PARENTING EZINE is now 'Helpware.' Each
week you must help one person who has less parenting knowledge than you.
Pick a newsgroup posting or an e-mail each week and help that person even
if you have to go out of your way to do so. Find the best answer or do a
little research and get back to them, or send them to EP. Trust me, this
will make you feel better, and will help a lot of Parents. OK, you're on
your honor. :)

=====================================
War cannot be humanized, it can only be abolished.
-- Albert Einstein

=====================================
FEED THE HUNGRY:
http://www.thehungersite.com
http://www.heifer.org/

FOR PEACE ON OUR PLANET: We are not going to be able to operate our
Spaceship Earth successfully nor for much longer unless we see it as a
whole spaceship and our fate as common. It has to be everybody or nobody.
-Buckminster Fuller

NEXT ISSUE: More of the best I can find for you, dear Parent. And those EP
Bulletins will continue, if sporadically. .





In the meantime, here is an angel sent to watch over you for me.

=======================================================

FROM BILL:
We are Angels born with but one wing,
In order to fly we must embrace one another.

=======================================================

Till next time, don't forget -- Parenthood is Wonder-filled!

Fondly,


=======================================================

DISCLAIMER: The Empowered Parenting Ezine is intended to increase your knowledge of the opinions and options in the fields that we cover. There is no guarantee of validity or accuracy. Its contents should not be used to replace professional advice. Empowered Parenting assumes no responsibility for injury and specifically disclaims any warranty, express or implied for any products or services mentioned. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, services of a competent professional should be sought.

=======================================================

© 1999-2002 Joan Bramsch/JB INFORMATION STATION.
All rights reserved worldwide.
ISSN: 1526-2154 - Library Of Congress, Washington DC, USA

Permission to download text is for personal use only. It is illegal to
reproduce or transmit in any form or by any means, electronic or
mechanical, including photocopying, or by any information storage and
retrieval system, any part of this copyrighted text without permission in
writing from the publisher.
===================================

http://www.EmpoweredParent.com

All material copyright © Joan Bramsch 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002 (unless otherwise
noted)

===================================

Welcome, Empowered Parent and your Family. :)